The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
