You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
