I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
