The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
