I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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