people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
