i just google imaged poop.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
