so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
