so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
