i would punch a child for taco bell
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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