Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Barsexuality is the new black.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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