I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize