How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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