It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
