Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
is it fun? or sober?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
