I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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