Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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