i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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