Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
