Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
