We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
