We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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