You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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