Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
