party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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