Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
