Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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