soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
