Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize