apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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