the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
