Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If I die, sorry about rent.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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