he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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