yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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