Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just gargled with NyQuil
You've changed since you got that strap on
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
