I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
