I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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