My underwear smells like fireworks.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
