i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
