fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
