So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
