you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
