Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize