I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
