So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
