You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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