my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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