If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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