I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
