I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
