everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
