I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
