Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
PANTIES FOUND
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
