i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
