if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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