We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the day after is always just damage control
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
