At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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