Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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