woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
