How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize