Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
