Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
