your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
