dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
