Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
