come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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