she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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