Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
