My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
