There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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