The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
