apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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