He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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