so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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