I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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