hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
